Hi. Thanks for letting me be here today. I got here just in time. I am called, “The Twin.” But my name is Thomas. Yeah, that Thomas. Doubting Thomas.
I usually wear a simple tunic. But I am dressed in these clothes, so you will think I am a contemporary of yours. It might help you better identify my experience, as your own.
It was last week, nearly 2000 years ago. Jesus, his arrest, his trial, his crucifixion, his death, his murder, they all haunted me. I could not comprehend what happened. How could someone so loving, so compassionate, so wise; someone so NOT violent, be subjected to such inhumane, cruel violence?
It made no sense to me. And it made even less sense to me that Jesus said cryptic things like: “In 3 days I will rise again.”
What? How could something so absolutely awful, turn into something so life-giving? Confusion gets at only half of what I was feeling.
And then the rumors started to pop up. Mary Madgelene at the tomb. She saw Jesus? Alive? That gave a little more credence to Peter and John’s testimony that the grave where Jesus was buried was empty. But still, that was no proof. I was so bereft and so muddled in my head.
So when the other disciples got together, I decided not to go. I was too much a wreck. I wasn’t called Doubting Thomas because I doubted Jesus’ resurrection – it was my nature. I learned early on, I didn’t trust anything unless I experienced it. So I chose to be by myself, and I fell into depression – Jesus was dead. That was the only thing I knew for sure.
It took me a couple of days to come out of my hole. And when I did, all I got was another shock. The disciples told me Jesus appeared to them, he was present with them, and he breathed on them the Holy Spirit. They were so convinced!! They were overjoyed!! I was happy for them. But I was also so envious.
Why not show up to me, too, Jesus? I’m one of the twelve. Why not give me the same experience? If your able to appear in a room without walking through the doors, then why not come into my home? It made me wonder. Were they more deserving than me? Did my doubting ways make me unworthy? Keep me separate from Jesus?
The following week, this very week on your calendar, the disciples gathered again. I was with them this time. And suddenly – Jesus was there. Present in our midst. I don’t know how, but his presence was unmistakable. And immediately Jesus turned to me, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand put it in my side – do not doubt but believe.” The only thing I could say was, “My Lord and my God!” That was the only thing I could say, because I didn’t just believe – I knew. I knew it in my bones!!”
I’ve been dead for almost 2000 years. And I’m very aware of how the rest of my story unfolds, giving me my name – Doubting Thomas. I have been scapegoated for 2000 years for my refusal to just believe. But I want to share with you some information, that might change your perspective, about me, and about you.
1st: the author of the Gospel of John is probably not the beloved disciple, St. John the Apostle, a member of the twelve. But scholars think the author did draw upon John’s writings.
2nd: the Gospel of John differs from the Synoptic Gospels in several ways. It covers a different time span than the others; it locates much of Jesus’ ministry in Judea, not in Galilee, it portrays Jesus discoursing at length on theological matters, leaving out what the other gospels focus on – his parables, his sayings, his healings.
3rd: there is a high probability that the Gospel of John was written in 100-110 CE., 70-80 years after Jesus’ death. There is a well-developed theology in John, as if the young church had been given time to create an over-arching cosmic purpose to the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.
4th: but the major difference, however, lies in John’s overall purpose. The author of John’s Gospel tells us that he has chosen not to record many of the symbolic acts of Jesus and has instead included certain episodes in order that his readers “may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life in his name.” John’s Gospel is all about believing. Not following; but believing.
John’s Gospel reflects the growing church’s emphasis on belief over experience, because those who had experienced Jesus in the flesh, were now dead. The focus changed. You don’t need the experience of Jesus, you just need to believe.
That perspective is why I think my story in the Gospel of John is a bit off.
In the Gospel of John, after I said, “My Lord, my God,” the author put on Jesus’ lips these words, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”
I want you to notice what is described a few verses before this. What do you find? When Jesus first appeared to the disciples he said, “Peace be with you,” and then – here it is, don’t miss it – “After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side!!!! They got the same experience I got!! But then the text shows Jesus criticizing me for wanting, needing, craving what he gave to all the other disciples – The experience of his living presence.
I wonder if we have gotten too far away from the meaning of Incarnation. John’s Gospel begins by telling us, “the Word became flesh.” He was embodied. Throughout Jesus’ ministry he was so embodied, touching lepers, laying hands on the sick, feeding the crowds, overturning the money tables, willing to suffer a horrible death.
Another way to say it is, “the Word did not become an Idea, the Word did not become a belief, the Word did not become a dogma.” The Word became incarnate, made flesh, Jesus was experienced by others!
Tim has a story. Tim? Where’d he go??
Tim has his own story. It shows the difference between believing and experiencing. He was just out of college working for A Christian Ministry in the National Parks at Shenandoah National Park in Virginia. He was at another fellow-worker’s apartment. While they were doing laundry, they talked a bit about God, and watched an episode of Lassie.
Someone had become deathly ill and the only doctor in this small town set out on his horse into the snow-covered, wind-howling night. Lassie tagged along. A huge gust came and a large branch knocked the doctor off his horse. Lassie came close, the Doctor was unconscious. Lassie took off running and naturally knew exactly where to go to get the right people to help the doctor.
The rescue crew, following Lassie, attended to the doctor and took him to the hospital. In the next scene, the doctor is in bad shape, and the chaplain walks in. The doctor, now conscious, asks the chaplain to pray for him. The Chaplain shakes his head, and says, “Dr., I should be asking you to pray for me, because you are one of the most faithful believers I know.” They haggle about this a bit. And Tim is now really watching. The Doctor says, “If you won’t pray for me, please read to me from Scripture.”
The chaplain opens his bible and begins to read. “In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also.”
Tim said these words were directly meant for him! Addressed directly to him! About to burst into tears, Tim makes a quick excuse that he forgot something he had to do, and he runs to his apartment and cries tears of great joy for an hour, because he had an experience of Jesus in that room, an experience of Christ’s presence that felt so real. He knew there was a place for him in God’s love. He knew it in his bones.
The church has always emphasized belief, but it is so easy for belief to become something we think in our heads, rather than a way-of-being that is experienced. If you still have a place of doubt, don’t just stiff-upper-lip-it and believe. Yes, be like me – be like Doubting Thomas – ask God to show you, so you experience it, so you know it, so you embody it.
And if you pray God to show you, do not be surprised if you find yourself drawn to volunteering here, or reaching out with care there, because it is in giving that we receive. Because we are involved in other people’s lives, doing service, giving of ourselves, incarnating our lives by actions, we are embodied! We won’t just believe, we’ll know, because we’ve experienced the presence of the living Christ.
Second-hand religion is not enough. When you experience the love, the grace, the presence of Jesus, it becomes yours – it’s 1st hand experience. You will not just believe, you will know. Legend has it, that because I experienced Jesus, I went to India, established churches, and ministered to many until I was martyred. Not bad for a doubter.
Amen.
