Luke 4:1-13. Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing at all during those days, and when they were over, he was famished. The devil said to him, ‘If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become a loaf of bread.’ Jesus answered him, ‘It is written, “One does not live by bread alone.”’ Then the devil led him up and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. And the devil said to him, ‘To you I will give their glory and all this authority; for it has been given over to me, and I give it to anyone I please. If you, then, will worship me, it will all be yours.’ Jesus answered him, ‘It is written, “Worship the Lord your God, and serve only him.”’ Then the devil took him to Jerusalem, and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, saying to him, ‘If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here, for it is written, “He will command his angels concerning you, to protect you,” and “On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.”’ Jesus answered him, ‘It is said, “Do not put the Lord your God to the test.”’ When the devil had finished every test, he departed from him until an opportune time.
Jesus, at his baptism, had a powerful experience. He heard, “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.” After this experience, Jesus, full of the Spirit, was driven by the Spirit into the wilderness where he was tempted for forty days. This is a classic vision quest, where you are put to the test, to know more deeply who you really are. Satan tempts Jesus with this phrase: “If you are the Son of God, then…” So he was tempted with power, with prestige, with turning his being the Son of God into something he could Lord over everybody else. The temptations Jesus faced, and that we face, are directly related to what we deeply believe to be true about ourselves at the core of our being.
As a pastor and spiritual director, I have heard many people talk about their temptations. From those experiences, most of us are tempted with the opposite thing that Jesus was tempted with. We are tempted to believe we are worthless, of little value, not enough, unloved and unlovable, a failure, a disappointment. We are tempted to treat ourselves poorly, to think badly of our self, and carry around a good bit of self-doubt and self-pity.
The Season of Lent, ironically, can add to this temptation. Lent is about repentance. “Oh goodie, we get to rehearse all over again all our sins and failures, to show God how worthless we really are, so then we can get God’s love and forgiveness.” It’s almost an adage – we could hang a sign outside on the church – “The worse you feel, the more love you’ll get!” The Greek word “metanoia”, translated as “repentance,” means to turn our minds, go above, go beyond our minds, to a higher truth. Metanoia is to change our thoughts to align more closely to the truth of our being in God. At times, maybe many times, we’ll recognize we’ve hurt others and been selfish. And we’ll recognize we are made in God’s image, each one a unique expression of God’s creative life force. As the Psalmist writes, “we are fearfully and wonderfully made.”
The parable of the father with two sons reflects this coming home to a deeper truth about our self. The prodigal son goes off and wastes his life in profligate living, finds himself impoverished, and realizes his father’s slaves live a better life than he is living. He heads home and practices his speech that he is as worthless as a slave. But the Father beats him to the punch. The father runs out to greet him, showers him with hugs, kisses, a robe, a ring, sandals, and a party to end all parties! Why? Because he is not a slave, not a schmuck, not a loser, not a failure, not a profligate. He is a child, a beloved child! This is his deepest identity. Nothing can take that away from him. The sooner the son realizes that the better! Same with us.
I’ve told this story before, but it’s worth repeating. Glen was a driven man. A lawyer, a professor at a law school, and he kept trying to prove he was worthwhile. His alcoholic father abused him emotionally, and kept telling him he couldn’t do anything right. He came to me for spiritual direction and in one session he suddenly said, “You know what, I’m just like a pack-horse, the only thing I’m good for is working hard. And it’s like there’s this little boy on my back whipping me to work harder!” What a powerful image of himself! I asked him if he’d be willing to pray with that image. Just take however long it took, to close his eyes, let his imagination guide his prayer, and let God show up any way God wanted to show up. He agreed.
15 minutes later he told me what happened. “I could easily picture being a packhorse; I felt the weight of the packs, and the sting when the boy whipped me. I lifted my head, looked to the left and there was a field full of wild horses running free. But I put my head down and kept going – I didn’t deserve that. I picked my head up again and I see a figure walking toward us. Suddenly I realize its Jesus. Jesus comes up, pets my mane, and gives me a sugar cube. Jesus says to me, “You don’t need these anymore,” and he takes the heavy packs off of my back. Then Jesus looks up at me, the little ten-year old boy sitting on the horse’s back and says, “You’re one of my good boys, aren’t you.” Glen broke into tears again in the retelling. Instead of being a worthless boy who could never please his father, he was a beloved son in the eyes of Jesus.
This new sense of identity helped Glen let go of his driven-ness, he didn’t have to prove himself – he found himself approved.
Let’s talk about this closer to home. After I retired, 3 years ago last Sunday, I found myself becoming depressed. I have practiced morning meditation for a long time, and it helped me see what was going on. I found myself watching my brain run wild with self-loathing. I was beating myself up pretty bad. Then I had a moment when the word “metanoia” made a whole lot more sense to me. I was shocked at the things I said to myself, and it hit me that this wasn’t me saying those things. It was my brain spewing junk.
But I, my true sense of self, was above it. I could see my brain running on automatic – and here’s the key insight. I didn’t identify with that mind, because the real me was watching all of it, and the real me had the freedom to think differently. I, my soul, was above and beyond my mind’s gyrations. I was tempted to believe all those things my mind was throwing at me were true. They were not true. It was as if my ego mind was the prodigal son saying how horrible he was, while my soul, my higher self, the Spirit, was the voice of the Father saying get the robe, the ring, put a feast together because this is my beloved child!
The first time I walked the labyrinth, I just knew that when I kneeled down in the center, the light of God would shine on me, and I would have a mystical encounter with the Holy. Nope. Not even close. Nothing happened. I walked back out of the labyrinth, head hung in disappointment. I knelt down in a pew at the front of the church. I wanted something from God and didn’t get it. So when the musicians starting singing, “Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me,” I started singing along because the song said what I felt. And then metanoia happened. It came as a gift. My mind went beyond in an unsuspected way. It changed one word. I began to sing “Jesus Christ, Son of God, has mercy on me.” That made all the difference.
In this season of Lent, let our repentance be a turning of our minds toward the realization that we are, and so is everyone else, a beloved child of God. Allow ourselves to receive, and to give, the kisses and hugs, the robe and the ring, and believe more deeply that each one of us is truly loved and valued beyond measure. We do not lack God’s grace, it is given to us, we have it. In these moments of silence, listen for what you have, and Who has a loving hold on you. Amen.
